It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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