he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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