I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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