She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
