Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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