I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
