There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
