As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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