Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize