A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
