she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
