This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
