is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
