He is an equal opportunity slut.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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