So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
