Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
