btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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