Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
