drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
