New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
