Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
