I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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