What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
