READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize