I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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