Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
