when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
