I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this boner is exhausting
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
