mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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