Do you still have your period?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
