everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
