a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
