Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
