thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize