so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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