I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize