Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
