I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
