Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
