Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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