I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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