You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
