the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
be right there i have to get my cape
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
