sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When are your genitals available?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
