Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
