Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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