Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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