toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My penis needs a shock collar
i think im in europe. pls send help
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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