I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
