Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm too high and old for this...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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