I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
