If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
