dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
