Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
