The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
