This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize