Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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