I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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