Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
