my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
