There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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