Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
even my farts smell like vagina
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
