I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
