I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
