you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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