You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
