i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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