I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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