I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
