So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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