Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
