my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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