can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
